We are whiplash…

We are whiplashed between an arrogant overestimation of ourselves and a senile underestimation of ourselves. – Parker Palmer

I think what scares me the most is success (because things will change that are out of my control), and the second thing that scares me senseless is thinking that I will never be able to grasp that success (and then nothing will ever change). It comes down to wanting to maintain your comfort level in the mundane and striving to move yourself from ordinary to extraordinary. Of course, that all depends on what your definition of success is.

Mine is quite a bit different from the dictionary’s definition.

What prompted this change of mood from my previous post of complaining about the hot summer weather?

I was watching Courtney Martin give a talk on TedTalks. Her talk “Courtney Martin: Reinventing Feminism”, was definitely inspiring and gave me a lot of food for thought. (http://www.ted.com/talks/courtney_martin_reinventing_feminism.html)

To sum it up, and possibly give you a few things to think about, I’d like to outline the three paradoxes she talked about.

Paradox 1: Rejecting the past and then promptly reclaiming it.

Paradox 2: Sobering up about our smallness and maintaining faith in our Greatness.

Paradox 3: Aiming to succeed wildly and being fulfilled by failing really well.

She then goes on to tell everyone that we should do a few things: Embrace the Paradox, Act in the face of overwhelm, and Love people well. Very wise words, in my opinion.

I wish I could thank her in person for the wonderful talk she gave. The website that she co-edits: Feministing.com, is actually well received and I enjoyed paroozing the site and reading different articles.

I can’t say that I am the standard textbook version of a feminist. Probably far from it. I believe in gender equality and the greatness we can achieve if both male and female and every shade of gender in between worked together and supported one another fully. I believe that if a woman wants to stay home and take care of her family instead of work a 9-5, she shouldn’t be labeled with an outdated and inappropriately used stereotype. Same goes for if she is the CEO of a company. Same goes for men. In my mind its really just that simple. You don’t have to be a loud activist to hold the same views; and labels only get you so far.

That being said, I hope you – my lovely readers – will go check it out and tell me what you think in the comment section below.

If you have any other links or lectures and whatnot that you would like to share – please do! I would love to check it out!

Hugs, Kisses, Love for all,

Aurora

 

Stuck in the middle of the desert… Drinking.

Lemme set the scene for you: Today is my sisters birthday. She is 24 years old and ready to party!

The past two years she’s been planning this birthday trip to Vegas. So much happy and excitement. We packed, we cleaned the house, we left notes for Curious George so he can take care of business while we are away.

On the road!! We were making good time, singing songs, laughing and talking about everything. Things are good. Life is great. Get ready Vegas, here we come!!

Then, about 30 miles outside of Holbrook we end up in a loooonnnggg line of traffic. Single lane.

The car is stopped for 15 minutes. Gotta turn off the car. We get pissy, my sister and her friend start getting snarky. Everyone in the car has to suddenly pee really bad!!! It’s 94 degrees outside. Cloudless with a slight breeze.

Time goes by, we get out and walk around. Sit back in the car. Bitch a little. Consider going offroading in a ford fusion just to go the other direction. The girls get out to talk to the truckers. I sit inside the hot shade of the car like the good vampire I am.

Apparently there are three semi trucks that crashed and rolled over in the middle of the one lane construction zone here about 25 miles outside of Holbrook on i40. Nobody is going anywhere. Cleanup crew is on its way but it will be a few hours before they get here.

On the plus side – I get excellent coverage here.

So what else is three bored young women in their 20’s supposed to do in the middle of the desert with nothing to do?

You betcha! My sisters friend went into the trunk and brought out a huge bottle of wine.

“Let’s get drunk in the middle of nowhere!” Says them.

“Let’s make this into an adventure!” Says I. (Since I’m driving I am not going drink, but will watch as they get plastered in the back seat.)

Only problem: no cork pulley outy thingy.

Fuck balls.

-swooshing cape noise –

20130627-142325.jpg

Never fear! There are truck drivers near!! It took one truck driver and a nice man from the minivan in front of us with a spare cork pulley outy thingy, but the cork is out and the girls have made use of empty Starbucks espresso bottles as wine glasses.

20130626-150938.jpg

It’s hot as hell, the wind has died down and it feels even hotter than before. But the girls are getting toasted and celebrating her birthday in the back of a hot car in the middle of the desert.

As long as we have good memories on my sister’s birthday – all is well. We’ll get to Vegas eventually.

Life is good.

20130626-151737.jpg

My sister’s cat is in heat – I have retreated to my office.

The  only thing that will save me now is if I barricade myself in my office and ignore the feline-in-heat sounds of “SOMEONE! ANYONE! PLEASE HUMP ME BARNYARD STYLE!!!”

It’s my sister’s little cat that is not fixed. My much older male cat has been fixed for years. All he can do now is hit it and then quit it – if you get my meaning. And he is so old that he can only do it like once or twice a day before he just climbs off her and walks away for a nap. Or hides under the bed. Or in my lap. He’s so desperate to get away from her.

I know he is successful at his chosen hiding place when she walks around the house meowing mournfully.

How like life.

My poor cat. She flaunts herself like the hussy she is. He politely declines and asks her to give him some space from her hormone crazed emotional ups and downs. She swats him in the face, purrs, then rolls over and flicks her tail in his face. He declines again. She gets angry. He finally gives her one last, “Sorry, toots, my nether bits aren’t working for you today.”

She comes back with:

I'll go cray cray on the couch if I don't get me some. I'll even blame you.

I’ll go cray cray on the couch if I don’t get me some. I’ll even blame you.

And she would. It’s kind of awesome.

So for today, I am locking myself in my office with my poor abused cat and writing another chapter in my novel. Maybe doing so more editing. Lets hope she doesn’t realize he is in here reading the latest from Sylvia Day, hiding under the covers on top of my chaise lounge. If she were to find out….

Cat Pounce

Shhhh…she might hear us.

 

xoxoxoxo,

Aurora

My sister is my hero… A Pantless hero, but still a hero

I was running super late for my appointment at a new doctors office. I called my youngest sister and she raced over to my house. About halfway to the office on the other side of town it occurs to me that she has extremely long legs today. …

…. “Little Sister, where are your pants?” I says to her.

And without even any hint of hesitation or embarrassment she replies, ” I’m not wearing any. Just my panties. I had to rush to get here and I didn’t want to put on pants.”

So nonchalantly she discusses her lack of pants. And a lack of a bra.

She takes after me, bless her heart.

It was like a scene out of The Fast and the Furious…. Only with cute blue panties with bows on them.

Got there only ten minutes late thanks to her. We were going super fast.

Love you Bug, you are my hero.

Aurora

Life, Death, Complications, and a desperate need for a hug

Life: I am happy to be alive. I am happy that I have not yet had to bury my parents or my siblings. I am desperately happy that my husband is by my side and not waiting for me in the afterlife – whatever that may be. I watched some of the strongest people I know break down this past weekend – and I in turn, became a sobbing mess.

Death: My uncle passed away several days ago. Family from all over the place flew, drove and made their way here to celebrate his life and to mourn his passing.

“I have never seen so many Mexicans in one place before.” Was a common joke running amongst the family. My uncle was a great man, loved by so many people that there was just an incredible number of them who showed up and gave love and support.

I think I handled it well. Death has always been an issue with me. I don’t take it well. My youngest sister was able to go sit by his side as he was dying, surrounded by family and some friends. I wasn’t able to be there until later that evening after he had died, but I was able – through the help of my very amazing little sister – to say a few things to him via speakerphone on her cell phone.

He wasn’t able to talk back, but my sister said he moved his foot in response. I hope that means he heard me.

I told him I loved him. That out of all the brothers (my dad included), he was the most handsome. I also asked him not to tell my dad that…it might hurt his feelers.

I ended the call with, “Don’t forget, Uncle, I am the coolest birthday present you ever got!” That was something I would tell him every year on our shared birthday. He always agreed.

The hardest part of having someone you love and care about pass away is knowing that you are left behind. He left behind his soul mate, two grown daughters, and his son who is just 16 years old.

I watched my teenage cousin become a man the day that his father died. I cried when he cried. I held him and hugged him as often as I could. And I was fiercely proud of the man he has become as he stood in the driveway, back straight, eyes forward, and arms wrapped around his crying sisters and mother as the funeral home people drove away with his father’s body.

He is an incredibly strong young man and I am proud to be his cousin.

The funeral was beautiful. My dad was asked to speak…and it was equal parts beautiful and sad. I have seen my dad cry very few times in my life. Every time I saw it, it broke my heart. It was even more heartbreaking to see my mother cry. All four of my parents were at the viewing and the funeral. I was glad for their support. I just wish some of the extending family members didn’t try to make it awkward. I felt it rude and beneath them.

But what can you do when alcohol is involved, right?

And what’s a funeral without a little family drama. I won’t go into that, but just suffice it to say that I was appalled at the treatment of some of my family members. My uncle would have kicked their asses if he were alive.

My desperate need for a hug: I got plenty of hugs, but it was like it was never enough. I was stressed out because of the adoption stuff. I was wrecked because of my uncle’s passing. I was happy to see family members I hadn’t seen in awhile, and then sad when I realized that it takes a heartbreaking moment such as death in order to bring everyone together.

Curious George was solid for me though. My man was the rock that held me up and kept me together. I remember sitting next to him and telling him that we share something in common now.

We both lost people we loved who shared a birthday with us. He lost his little brother, and I lost my uncle. Not a birthday will go by that we won’t think of them and lift a glass in honor of their memory.

I also told Curious George that I get to die first. I called it – so he has to honor it. I don’t even know how I would make it if I lost him. I don’t know how my aunt is doing it now. Even with all the time they had to prepare – they knew he was dying of cancer for years – it doesn’t take away the pain, or the sudden wrenching in your heart where your happiness used to be.

Adoption Update: We finished all of the required parenting and adoption classes. Our first home-study visit went very well and we were complimented on our home. We just have one visit left.

Unfortunately, Curious George and I were only able to attend my uncle’s funeral, not the burial portion of it. Our home-study was scheduled right in the middle of the two. I was really torn on what to do, but my parents made it clear that we were to take care of our family first and go to our home-study visit. Having that support was definitely what we needed.

The not so good stuff of the Adoption Update: Because I have Bipolar II disorder, because I have been in therapy for years (my choice to maintain optimum mental health), and because I have medication that I take – there is a chance they will not approve us.

And it’s not just my mental disorder, its also because my husband’s family is severely dysfunctional in a way that harmed him when he was growing up. These are red flags to them until they investigate more and make sure that we are solid.

I understand. Really, I do. But at the same time I just want to scream and throw things. I have spent my whole life making sure that I am not a statistic. I am not just stable, I have a huge support system that I surround myself with just in case I falter and have a bad cycle. I am educated, I am hardworking, I am more than capable of being a good parent, as is Curious George.

The social worker understands and knows us very well now and has said that she thinks we will make great parents regardless of what happened in our pasts. She also thinks that we will be better able to handle some of the children we have been matched with as these are all kids that have been taken from their homes due to abuse, neglect, etc.

She said she was going to fight hard for us and bring every bit of information to her supervisor – who will make the final YAY or NAY decision.

We should know what that decision is in about two weeks or so. The waiting is going to drive me nuts.

Dear God,

Please. A million times, please.

-Aurora

Curious George, I’m putting this up on the fridge.

Babe,

Gonna frame this and put it on the fridge. Hope you have a great day at work. Love you bye.
Xxxooo,
Aurora
P.s. I seriously got a huge kick out of seeing you in all your mexi-glory cleaning the backyard last night with your socks pulled up, shorts low, and a muscle shirt on. Sexy. As. Fuck. XD lol

P.s.s. I’m just jealous.

The backyard looks great btw. 🙂

20130531-065922.jpg

Adoption updates, cat hair, and the inevitable realization that we will never have enough money.

Lets start with cat hair. It’s the simplest of the topics. It’s also everywhere – and I do mean everywhere.

I open the cabinet to the pots and pans – there’s cat hair.

I open my panty drawer – cat hair.

The food pantry – just the cat this time – accompanied by a small mound of cat hair.

I take the dog treats down from the top of the refrigerator and open them to find….wait for it…..wwaaaaiiiitttt fffooorrr iiiiitttt……dog treats! Covered in cat hair!

I get into the car to drive across town only to hop out of the car and – YOU GUESSED IT – I’m covered in cat hair. (Which is strange considering the cats are indoor cats and I brushed a lint roller all over myself prior to leaving.)

I open my laptop only to find!!!!!!!!!! CAT HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Image

Damn cats.

I had nice microfiber dark green couches once…they are now combination white, gray, and black fur covered couches.

Image

Little bastards….those are the actual culprits above…

But I’m not bitter. Moving on.

Adoption updates: (I have still not found a way to do what I want to do to link two blogs to my one site. I will figure it out later. In the meantime, I will just update them here and then move them over to the other page link on the site.)

So, as for the adoption, Curious George (my husband) and I are in our last two weeks or so before the home study is finished. I had my one-on-one interview with the social worker, my physical is next week, class #3 and #4 are this Saturday and next Saturday respectively, and our paperwork went through just fine. We are just waiting on a few more things to come back from the state and then we are good.

Also, our social worker is amazing. Totally nice and non-threatening. Curious George’s one on one interview with her was only about an hour and half tops…mine was three hours.

I talk too damn much.

Anyway, our wonderful social worker will also be coming by the house in a few days and then again a week or so later. Hopefully I can get everything done to the house that needs doing on time. We have our couples interview then as well. Hopefully she thinks we are as awesome together as we are individually.

Image

We still need to go get a few things from Lowe’s. And unfortunately, we are going to need new carpet. There is no repairing the damage previous roommates have done to it. I wouldn’t want our kids to have to walk on it, let alone look at it.

So that’s pretty much it this week. We are just hauling things and finishing up the last of the yard work. We are leaving the man cave and my office the same instead of moving everything out of those two rooms – the social worker said it would be better if we didn’t go all cray-cray and get stuff we might not need until placement.

She actually said cray-cray. Love her.

Domestic adoption sure is quicker than international adoption. She said we might even be placed and have the kids in the house by September….

Dear god. September. We were thinking Christmas time.

Image

You’re welcome, nerds.

When I told my sister about this (who also lives in the house with us), her response was comical. “Birthday present for Curious George.” Wouldn’t that just be epic?

“Happy Birthday honey! Oh look, CYFD just pulled up with our children in the backseat! Suprise!”

Not gonna lie – I definitely had a moment of panic filled shock after I heard that one. I hear its normal though. There is just so much to do and to prepare. It’s exciting, exhausting, and adventure filled – and it will continue to be once we are actually placed.

That’s when you know you’re on the right track. Your mind is full of doubts, but your heart keeps beating, pulling you in the direction your feet are taking you. I have faith that things will work out for the best and that we are exactly where we need to be.

Next topic!

Image

Stupid broke. That’s how broke we are. When we have kids we will be moved up to MORBIDLY BROKE – which is like stupid broke, only multiplied by the number of mouths you have to feed.

But do people ever really have enough money? I hear the saying, “Mo’ money mo’ problems.” First off, who the frack is Mo? And why does he have so many money problems? Balance your checkbook, bro.

I’ve been multiplying everything by three recently – followed by my eyes popping out of my head at the sheer magnitude of what we are about to go through. The numbers add up only if one of us eats Ramen noodles four times a week lol. Just kidding, it isn’t that bad. But I tend to process chance in the pessimistic side of things when it comes to money.

Second, I’m thinking about fundraising for the money we would need to make the last few changes to the house. Has anybody ever used Indiegogo.com or other fundraising sites? If so, if you can let me know how that worked out for you I would really appreciate it.

Alright, laundry waits for no woman. Need to go change that and make dinner.

Topic of the day – Whether you have adopted internationally or domestically, I would really like to hear how the process went for you. Was it atrocious? Was it magical like unicorns farting sparkles? Did you adopt one or a sibling group?

And final question – Do you still have all your hair or did you pull it out from the stress?

XOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOX,

Aurora