Gawd it’s freakin’ hot outside.

Summertime always makes me want to switch my sleeping schedule from sleeping at night to sleeping during the day – JUST TO ESCAPE THE HEAT AND THE CONSTANT SUNLIGHT!

I also become SUPER lazy when its hot. Hence not being able to reach the computer in my office to blog…or write…or get prepared for the upcoming semester at the university. (Hasn’t stopped me from playing online video games, just stops me from doing anything else important.)

I don’t know how people do it in places that have sunlight for 18+ hours straight.

Weather in the desert is temperamental – or just plain mental – at best. One day it’ll be 90 degrees, a nice dry heat, slight breeze to make it bearable, and the next day it hits you in the face with 100+ degree weather and its fucking humid.

Where the humidity came from? No one knows…

We got back from Vegas about a week and a half ago and almost cried when we got back across NM state lines. It was cloudy, it was 85ish degrees all the way home and it was raining. Like real rain, not the occasional spurts of cloud piss we get in central New Mexico. Vegas was 117 degrees when we left – and miserable.

It even rained four out of the seven days last week here in the Land of Enchantment. SHOCK!

Needless to say, us desert people were exceptionally happy standing outside gawking and looking up at the rain as if it were something mystical and foreign to us.

Today I decided that the laziness needed to stop. My sister and I have been feeling the affects of supreme mid-summer lazy and we have had enough. So back to keyboard I go!

On a serious note, I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and that the weather hasn’t had any horrible affects on them. Stay safe, stay cool, stay hydrated.

I love air-conditioning,

Aurora

hot summer

She is a pint-sized she devil in disguise as my little sister…

She terrifies me.

She is only a couple of years younger than me. She is tiny, olive skinned, with great hair and an obsession with shoes that borders a serious fetish.

She is one of my younger sisters and dear gawd does she know how to kick ass…

If she was an anime character, several years younger and all Japanese instead of just part, she would look a lot like this:

That thing she is holding...yeah...its something to beat me with.

That thing she is holding…yeah…its something to beat me with.

After she takes me to my dreaded physical and doctors appointment, we are laying on my bed talking about this and that when she looks me dead in the eyes and says, “Let’s talk about your schedule for the day.”

Fuck balls. She’s about to lay down the law.

“You need to pick up your prescription after Curious George gets home, work for a couple hours in your office, and then you owe me a chapter by tomorrow.”

Oh, yeah. Forgot I hired her to be my personal assistant/ editor/ ass kicker extraordinaire.

She follows it up by saying that it better get done before she gets home after her shift at the salon because we will be hitting the gym later tonight.

Again. Fuck balls.

This girl means business.

I walk her outside, tell her I love her and watch her unlock her car. Just before she gets in the car she informs me:

“By the way, if you don’t get that chapter done by tomorrow, you have to complete two of them. I was going to give you a day off on Saturday and say the next one is due by Sunday night since we have that last Adoption class to go to, but if you don’t get it done….you’ll owe me two chapters.” And with a deceptively cheerful wave and a quick, “Love you, bye!” she drove off.

How can someone so tiny be so intimidating?

So I been working in my office for the past few hours. The evil pixie herself is due home in about 15 minutes.

I better hop to it. She has great shoes, but they aren’t fun at all when being kicked up one’s ass.

Wishing I was Harriet Potter and had an amazing magic wand,

Aurora

We can't help that we're fabulous.

We can’t help that we’re fabulous.

DERP!! Last day of finals and school!!

Today is the last day of school and I have completed four out of my five finals. I have one left this afternoon and an ending conference with my honors professor.

To be honest, I feel like a fuckin’ champ right now! Graduation is Saturday and then my parentals are flying me to Vegas for a few days to go see them since they can’t make the ceremony.

I scored big time with that one.

Like I said, I’m a champ.

-lady boss mode activated!-

So, to spread and share a bit of my happy, I would like to post some things that made me giggle this morning.

Enjoy it, because when this day is over, I will be filling my web pages with shenanigans like you’ve never seen before.

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And by the way, I miss your faces!

Love, orgasms, education, and chocolates,

Aurora
Xoxoxoxoxox

Rantfest 2013 – Just in time for my birthday!

I’m probably going to curse in this blog. A lot. You have been warned.

Note: It’s not that I don’t know other words to adequately express my feelings and emotions. I have a very nice, well-rounded, and vast vocabulary…its just that curse words make my soul happy and I don’t feel like punching someone after I use them. Simply put – I curse and rant to relieve stress.

Who doesn’t?

Second Note: I’m going to be a whiny bitch in this rant. It’s my blog. I can do so if I choose.

So anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion at my ripe old age of 25 (about to be 26 tomorrow) – THAT I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN UP DRINKING YEARS AGO.

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I need some kind of vice to help explain the insanity that comes from a whopping case of pissed off and rampant frustration…but as of right now – I have nothing.

I even gave up smoking. The worst thing I do is smoke a very rare cigarette with my mom while we are chatting in her backyard, buy music on iTunes when I know we don’t have the money for it, and buy chocolate I know I shouldn’t be eating.

Scratch that last one. There is no reason for me NOT to eat chocolate.

So this week has been a cluster-fuck of issues. One after another. I have had a few happy moments, but it seems like year 2013 is not going to be the year where my dreams come true, the landscaping gets done, my novel gets finished, the cat changes his attitude and we become the best of friends, etc etc.

I have a list of shit I made years ago, and it keeps getting longer each year.

I won’t even bother going into detail about why everything has been so chaotic. I’ve even tried reasoning everything out as rationally as I am capable of – but FUCK – nothing seems to be falling into place no matter how hard I try.

I think the worst moment of 2013 came to me as I was furiously cutting down tree branches off the Junipers in the backyard yesterday afternoon. I really feel like I have wasted the greater portion of my young life. I haven’t done anything epically awesome, I haven’t really accomplished anything (Not really true – I AM graduating college in May), I have spent the better portion of my early teen years through now just trying to maintain a level of normal that is socially acceptable to everyone else.

I am going to be 26 fucking years old tomorrow and everything I promised myself the day I turned 25 would happen – NOPE, I haven’t accomplished a single. Fucking. One.

Talk about a bad day.

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If I was a drinker, I would be knee deep in bottles of cheap wine, expensive bar snacks and possibly a harmonica. (I don’t even know how to play the harmonica but I think my mood would warrant me warbling out a few recognizable tunes on it.) I would almost certainly be one of those giggly-yet-still-depressed drunks. Only I would hope that I would look cool while being that level of schmammered – not like those hot-ass-messes you see roaming from bar to bar in a desperate attempt to assuage some kind of angst.

But alas, the plans for my birthday are as follows. I’m going to get up and clean the house that I probably won’t get around to deep spring-cleaning today since I’m doing the laundry. I’m going to have breakfast and probably go bag up the leaves Curious George raked for me the other day in the front yard. I’ll get that done and contemplate whether I feel up to cutting the rest of the branches that need to be cut in the back yard from the fucking Juniper trees that I have been wanting to get rid of for the last three years.

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After that its shower and get ready to go pick up my mother in laws truck that she’s letting me borrow so that I can make several trips to the dump. I’m hauling carpet, all the raked up yard stuff, I have to take the plastics I’ve been saving to the recycle, and a few other things that can’t be recycled or thrown away.

When I come home I bet I’m going to smell fantastic. Another shower will probably be in order.

At that point Curious George will probably be home. He hasn’t been feeling well so its going to be another night of soup I think.

I just thought of something! Other than a very few family members and a couple of friends, no one probably knows its my birthday.

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Yup. I don’t have a Facebook account. Shocking right?

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Geez, I’m fuckin’ cranky today.

Maybe I should stop making lists of stuff I would like to accomplish in life. That shit never gets done. It’s when I’m bored that everything I need to get done – gets done.

Maybe I psychologically tricked myself into doing everything else EXCEPT what I need to do. How messed up is that? Or maybe I’m just freaking out because I am that much closer to an age I still think shouldn’t be old enough to make adult decisions. I mean seriously, 40 is the new 21, so technically I’m still in pampers.

Ok. Laundry needs to be switched and I’m done bitchin’. I really have no reason to complain. Life is good. Not the way I want it completely, but that just means I have to work harder.

It’s gonna take a lot of boredom to get everything accomplished in 2013.

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This tickled me something fierce.

Happy Hump Day ya’ll. Can you do me a solid and have a birthday drink for me? I’d appreciate it.

Hugs, kisses and reach-arounds,

Aurora

p.s. I told myself out loud that I didn’t give a shit about cursing in my blog and look what happened. Less cursing. Its psychological I tell you. Psycho-fucking-logical.

Ups, Downs, and Taxes I didn’t have to pay this year

Yup.

Ups:

-Got my taxes all done. Had such a big refund it paid off the taxes we owed previously.

-Put the laundry through the washer and dryer.

-Update my spreadsheets for my monthly budget and bills. (My mom is gonna be so proud when I send those to her…with about a billion different spam fun-filled pictures.)

You love me mom. I know it. Hugs and kisses – the Miracle Child. 🙂

-Had a staring contest with the cat.

Downs:

-The cat won.

-Had to pay the bills today.

-Put the clean laundry in my office on the chaise lounge instead of away in the closets.

-My husband isn’t home from work yet.

-I have so much homework I already feel tired.

Other than that, I’ve had a pretty relaxing day. Nothing to strenuous. I jumped on the scale, saw that I lost two pounds. Hopped off the scale and did the “twerking” thing in front of the mirror in celebration followed by a hop, skip and jump to the secret stash of chocolate bars.

Had me some chocolate.

Probably gained those two pounds back.

If I was a unicorn I would want to look like this. Doesn’t this unicorn look happy? Bet you ten bucks this unicorn has recently had one of two things – sex or chocolate.

Attention writers, bloggers and those that eat, shit and breathe words:

I’m having a hard time keeping my emotions my from my everyday life out of my writing. Sometimes those emotions are the most helpful of tools, but not when I’m in a raging pissed off mood and I am writing something emotionally pleasing.

Last night I was writing and I killed the main hero simply because he was not fond of a particular situation. That’s not nice – you know what I mean? I wasted probably a good chapter and a half offing him. Damn it.

So if you have any suggestions or any tips on what you do to shut out the outside world, I would greatly appreciate them as my way of doing things is no longer working. It might be because school is really stressing me out, or it may be because the amount of fucks I have in my pocket are down to zero.

You can harass me via email, the comments section on this here pretty website, or at my twitter page (link on the left).

If you likes me blogs, please subscribe. It makes me giggle in happiness when my email box pops up with the message, “HEY! Someone thinks you are slightly cooler than you really are! They subscribed to your blogs!”

And if you have a site, I shall go visit, harass and comment on your blogs.

Because that’s how I roll.

I do. I really do.

Good morning sexuals!!!

Your looking dapper this morning!

Thank the heavens above and all that good stuff that Jenna Marbles is available on YouTube when I need her. That’s where the title and the first bit came from. I think its from her YouTube video “What Girls Do In The Bathroom”.

It’s waaaaaaay too early to be this chipper – and I was up and chipper at 4:40am today!

So far so good – and productive:

1. Hit the snooze button at 4:30am for ten minutes.

2. Rolled over and hit the dismiss button at 4:40am.

3. Nudged my husband and got out of bed. Threw on some clothes and trudged to the Almighty Keurig.

4. Pressed button to turn on.

5. Skipped merrily over to the back door and let the dogs out.

6. Made husband coffee and took it to him. I chose a glass of milk this morning.

7. Peeled a potato, diced it up and set it to frying. Got out the sausage, eggs, cheese, green chile and bread and got to work. It’s breakfast time.

8. Let the dogs in. Continued making breakfast.

9. Started having a random conversation with my overly eager dogs.

10. Ignored the cat.

11. Served breakfast, joked around with Curious George and then made sure his lunch was packed.

12. Watched in horrified dismay as cat looked imperiously at me and demanded food. The dismayed part comes in when Curious George decided to take pity on him feed him. Bastards.

13. Joked about how fat the cat is and how its my fault.

13.5. Kissed my babe, gave him some mornin’ huggins, and sent him on his way.

14. Decided to update my blog rather than doing the dishes.

15. Still writing this blog….instead of doing the dishes and getting ready for school.

….

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So, today’s schedule is going to be interesting.

Today is the first day of my husband’s new schedule. He has always worked the overnight or graveyard shift at any job he has had in the past ten years that he has been an engineer or mechanical such such. So this is a new experience for both of us.

He woke up easier this morning than he has every evening for his shift in the past few years so I think that’s a good start.

We had breakfast. Together. At the same time. At the breakfast table.

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If my family new what was going on in this household they would laugh hysterically while secretly calling my therapist to have Curious George and I evaluated.

They are used to us being up all night and asleep during the day. And having meals together wasn’t something we did.

It’s like we’re an actual married couple…weird.

Today is also monumental as I have to take the bus to school since my husband has our one and only working vehicle. He cheerfully pat me on the butt and said to have fun.

I haven’t use the mass transit system here in OVER ten years. Since mid high school at the very earliest.

The bus system here isn’t very good. It’s better than it was, but not by much.

I did the proper thing and checked routes, times and pricing. The college offers students bus passes so I guess I’ll be taking the earlier bus to get down there with enough time to go pick one up. If not, I’ll be paying $2 a day to ride the damn thing. In the freezing cold. Uphill.

With a boner.

LMAO….sorry, that last bit was just too good to pass up. At least with a college student bus pass I will be able to ride that thing uphill in the freezing cold with a boner for FREE!

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I think that last bit would crack my momma up.

SPEAKING OF MOMMA….I saw her for a couple hours on Thanksgiving, called her to make sure everything was kosher with her and dad yesterday, but I still feel like I haven’t had much attention.

While I am waiting for my bus I’m gonna call and harass her at work. And if she hangs up on me I can alternate spamming her email inbox and sending her funny pictures on her phone.

Love my momma. She puts up with my shit.

Ok, I’ve put it off long enough. Time to get to the dishes and then to taming this huge mass of hair that I have.

ugh.

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