I have a strong love/hate relationship with school.
I love that I have the opportunity to go to school and learn and try my best to better myself. I HATE/LOATHE the stress that comes with it. Being a perfectionist when it comes to my intellectual work, I often find that my stress comes from wanting to complete assignments and projects on my own time versus the usual couple of days that a professor will give students. Most of the time, professors aren’t looking for perfection or even an attempt at it. They just want to know that you know how to function in society and complete tasks. That’s it.
Contrary to popular belief, this is one area in my life that I do not procrastinate. Well…not enough for anyone to notice. My procrastination for school projects usually varies by the hour, not by days or weeks or months like everything else in my life.
On a happy note, I get more done when I have a good amount of mental stress. It’s the emotional stress that wars with it and almost completely incapacitates me at times.
I’m graduating at the end of this semester if all goes well. And that’s a good thing. But it’s also ridiculously daunting when you consider that I won’t have more than a two or three week break before heading right back to school. I know the end result is worth it because that’s what almost every teacher, administrator and faculty member has told me every time I try to bring up the topic. It’s like their cure-all way of pushing the issue of my stress aside while trying to convince themselves that what they just told me had some deep impact on my life.
Right. Deep impact.
Seriously, sometimes we students just need to bitch and moan and feel pitiful for two fucking seconds. All the response we need is the “swift kick in the ass” kind. For instance:
Me: I really hope I graduate this semester. I know I have everything lined up, but I’m seriously stressed out and getting nose-bleeds. My eyes feel like sand paper and I –
Professor: Well, if you don’t suck it up and get ‘er done, being a ridiculous waste of space is definitely an alternative path you can take. See me later for more detailed instructions if you’re interested.
Or, even this would make me smile and be helpful:
Me: (Same as above)
Professor: Don’t make me cut you off at the knee caps, ok? Do it or I’ll sacrifice you to the pagan gods of old.
I respond joyously to verbal sparring. I’ve had a few teachers that resorted to this and it worked beautifully. Then, when they saw my stress was coming down and I was feeling better after they threatened me with decapitation and other forms of dismemberment, they threatened to call my mom.
…Works. Every. Time.
Dear mom,
Love you. Teehee!
They know what a big part my parentals play in my life.
In all honesty, before these precious few awesome professors kicked me out of their classrooms for being a nuisance, they always gave me really good tips on how to make college life easier. And for that, I put them on my Christmas card list.
I think that’s what most professors forget. Show me you’re human, show me you care, show me that even you struggled, threaten me with bodily harm if I don’t shut the hell up and put my big girl panties on, give me some great advice, and then send me on my way. All of this makes me believe – even if you don’t care – that you at least listened.
That’s all I’m looking for.
Side note: I really think a big part of my stress is coming from the knowledge that the amount of my school loans goes up every semester and I cry a little on the inside when it does. The good news is that I don’t have to pay on them until I have been out of school and graduated for 6 months. The bad news is – I’m still going to be broke.
Meh.
Found a bit of funny, thought I would share:
It took my mom years to pay off her school loans. She is adamantly against them, but sometimes, your options are so limited that the loans are the preferred method of funding your education.
I have been awarded other scholarships, and to be honest, the price of education in New Mexico is relatively inexpensive, especially for in-state students. I think out-of state students actually receive a discount (in case you want to come to New Mexico for your education.)
Anyway, enough bitching. I have a huge list of homework that has to be done in the next four days and only some of my school books came in due to an ordering issue with the school and the publishers of the textbooks.
Shitty. I know.
As for those of you who inquired, and I appreciate it, yes, I am still writing. But no, I don’t want to send it out to beta readers other than my mom and sister at this time. It tends to give me unwanted stress when I don’t give out complete manuscripts and then have to meet another deadline on top of all the other deadlines I have.
This new way of writing and doing things is really helpful – at least to me. I don’t tell anyone what I am working on and simply let them know I am working on a project. I cut off all questions and comments with, “I don’t want to talk about it.” and leave it at that. Then when I am done, I will send out the manuscripts to my beta readers and go from there. That way, I only have to worry about future projects, not the current one that is a stop and go process.
Works for me.
It’s like tricking myself into believing I am not under any pressure to get this done by any other person’s date other than my own.
I actually work better under pressure, but right now, I really want my current projects to shine so I have been taking my time and really paying attention to what I put on paper. I hate that I keep telling people I don’t want to talk about it when I really do, and I hope those people who believe I can do this still believe in me. I would hate for me to take them my projects and they not bother to look at it.
Ok, I’m done feeling crazy about everything that I can change or help at the moment. I have loads of homework and a limited attention span. Better get to it.
Happy Hump day everyone!
Ooooohhhh yyyeeeeaaaahhhh……
Aurora Moncayo 